I saw some kind of disturbing stuff about Everest recently. Feeling a little morbid.
Pithy Part 1: at War with the Coconuts
How to open a coconut.
The nut and the husk are primary, the husk a thick covering of fibrous material with a burnished shell around a smaller round nut with meat and water.
Opening a green coconut: find a rock. Commence hurling till lengthwise cracks appear. Grab the edge of a crack and give the triceps a workout. Smudge the partially cleared husk fibers against the rock to break apart the stem till the smug and pugnacious little face of two eyes and a mouth appear on the round nut where the stem was.
Opening a resilient and dried brown husk: find a sharp stick and pry.
Once clear of the fibers, the little stem face will provide the water.
A lateral line of dents around the nut with a sharp rock edge makes two easy halves for eating the meat.
Behold the machete. Easy. One go at an end of a green husk cuts a drinking hole in the nut, leaving a tip of shell like a spoon to scoop the middle.
Avoid a hammock between palms. An unannounced drop by a hefty and remorseless hunk of green organic material, having matured in the tropical breeze and bearing a smug and pugnacious little face, is sure to produce an unhappy dent in trade wind dreams.
At such a point, find a rock, commence to hurl.
Of course, none of this will ever hear you.
